


Vindicated

by asianlychallengedasian



Category: Persona 4
Genre: ATLUS how dare you do this, Ask me to tag!, Author is trans, Discussion of body parts, Dysphoria, Fluctuating pronouns, Gender Dysphoria, Misgendering, Not beta'd we die like men, Self-Hatred, Trans Male Character, Trans Naoto, Trans Shirogane Naoto, not beta'd we die like minato arisato
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24449035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asianlychallengedasian/pseuds/asianlychallengedasian
Summary: Naoto struggles with coming to terms with everything.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	Vindicated

**Author's Note:**

> UGH I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED PERSONA 4 YET. But the treatment of naoto is terrible and i hate it. so much like they're trans shut the fuck up pls...
> 
> of course if you don't agree that's fine, i just wouldn't reccommend reading this if you're against it lol why are u here
> 
> the way atlus portrayed them was. so wrong. naoto is obviously trans-coded to me, but they treat them like theyre just 'insecure in themselves'. as a result i had to try to work in them realizing that they're not 'insecure' its just not who they are into this so it probably ended up sounding weird so sorry in advance dkdkkdd

_ Didn’t you hear? He’s a she! _

_ You have some balls, for a girl. _

_ What a kind girl… _

Naoto stands in front of the mirror, frozen. His– no, her,  _ it’s her, she’s a girl _ – hair is tickling the scruff of his– her– ugh,  _ their  _ neck. 

_ Naoto-kun’s younger than us, and she’s a girl. _

A towel is wrapped around their body, but despite the steam, they can make out their own body. Their own curvature, along with their slender legs and small feet. It’s perfect for the perfect Asian woman.

_ There’s no Detective ‘Prince’! _

A fist slams down onto the counter. The aching pain is what tips Naoto off that its his– her– own fist. They shake their head, before drying off. They make sure that the thoughts are as shaken away as the water from their hair. 

Within the confines of the steamy bathroom, Naoto gets dressed. They put on the boxers that their grandfather so generously gifted them. They’re definitely not focusing on the fact they’re a kid’s size, nor the thickness of their thighs.  _ She’s  _ thinking about how  _ she  _ needs to get new underwear soon. Especially since  _ she _ isn’t a boy.

They slip on their pants, trying to flatten every little wrinkle remaining in the school issued slacks. It’s not an avoidance tactic to avoid looking in the mirror. It’s not a way to not look at the condensation alongside their own breasts. They look at where the rest of their uniform is piled.

Naoto picks up the skintight, skin-colored undershirt. They slip it over their head with much ado, struggling to get it on, as always.  _ Why does it even matter? It’s not like they see you as a boy anymore, anyway.  _ Their mind offers. Naoto pulls the binder the rest of the way down, shutting down that train of thought. They grab their button up; Naoto puts it on as quickly as possible, without misbuttoning. 

They rush out of the bathroom, without a second look at their body. It’s enough he already has to live with his body. It’s not right. It’s too soft, too curvaceous. It’s not  _ him. _ But it is Naoto, because Naoto’s a girl.  _ She’s  _ soft and curvaceous, just like a girl.

Naoto practically runs out the door.

They can take coming to terms with being a girl one step at a time.

Rise got them a new bra, and they stand in front of that fated mirror. It’s frilly and laced, conforming to their breasts nearly perfectly. It’s incredible how well versed the past pop idol is in the way of undergarments.

Naoto has their arms wrapped around their waist insecurely. It doesn’t fit right. It’s too tight, it’s too loose, and it accents their chest. It’s all Naoto does to simply stand there, keeping their fist from connecting with the mirror.

Naoto’s hands shake as they pull the braw over their head. They pull so fast something  _ riiiiiipps _ , then snaps, but Naoto couldn’t care less. They’re free.

But, simultaneously, they’re more trapped than ever. Their hands raise to cup their chest, and Naoto can already feel their teeth  _ aching  _ from the additional pressure they’re putting on them. They feel like their teeth could shatter under the force.

They’re not much bigger than the other girls’, but the size of a peach is large compared to that of a plum. Naoto hears the girls wishing– almost  _ lusting _ – after that illustrious mystery of womanhood. 

Meanwhile, Naoto wishes that they could simply be rid of them. Naoto would give the others theirs, if they could. Seeing them, holding them,  _ having them  _ hurt. Not much physically, but mentally?

It broke them.

_ I wish I was a boy.  _ A tiny, irritating voice calls in their head. Naoto would swat it away if it wasn’t for the fact they’d learn their lesson from ignoring their inner self.

But is it because _they_ want to be, or _society_ wants them to be a boy? _What do_ I _want?_

_ Who am I? What am I?  _

Naoto buries their face into the heels of their hands. 

_ Naoto-kun’s badly hurt. She needs a heal! _

_ She. Her. Girl. _

He. Him. Boy.

The tears come freely, in the isolation of their infinitesimal apartment. In their infinitesimal existence.

_ He  _ is really trying.  _ He _ really is. He’s trying to figure himself out– he’s sure that it can be seen by the likes of the Investigation Team. Attacks missed more often than not, and even Souji-san had removed him from their training. Souji-san assured him that he was fine.

Assured  _ her  _ that  _ she  _ was fine.

Naoto can’t hold it against him, or he tried not to, anyway. It isn’t like Souji-san knew– it’s not like anyone knew. They’re back at the laboratory today, anyway, so Naoto didn’t mind sitting out this time. The wooded glen found by the outskirts of town is familiar, but the clinical smell emitting from the hidden building is far too intoxicating. It overcomes the earthy smell of the clearing.

Naoto thinks back to a time not too long ago. Now that he thinks about it– it’s been a month or so, since that fateful day. It’s ludicrous to think that much time had past, but he  _ had  _ been in a light stupor for a good portion of it. The air is getting cold outside, and the case still isn’t solved.

_ ‘The ‘case’ isn’t everything, you know _ .’ A voice rings in his head, familiar, yet childish. It’s his own voice. ‘ _ It’s backwards for me to say something like that, isn’t it?’  _ The other self chuckles somewhat self-deprecatingly.

Naoto looks around quickly, then covers his mouth. He’s not very keen on looking surely insane. “What do you mean? Of course it is?”

_ ‘I mean, yeah!’  _ Sukuna-Hikona rings in his head.  _ ‘I agree it’s definitely important, especially for them to stop viewing us as a kid-’ _ Naoto flinches slightly. It’s a true thought, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to confront. ‘ _ But isn’t there something else? ‘ _

Naoto looks to the dirt beneath he formal shoes. “There’s nothing else,” He insists.

A loud whine in response. ‘ _ Nao-chaaaan, you know lying to yourself is wrong!’  _ Sukuna-Hikona says at a fever pitch. Naoto resists covering his ears, because, ow, that hurt.  _ ‘Or maybe you don’t realize what it is?’ _

Naoto pauses. It’s silent, or as silent as the TV world can be at any given time. Naoto can almost hear Sukuna-Hikona winding up to begin speaking again. As thus, Naoto cuts him off before he can even start. “You’re the one who said I was pretending to be a boy.” Naoto points out. “There’s no way I can ever actually be a boy,” Naoto resigns himself. 

Naoto hears a light hum.  _ ‘Maybe you  _ were  _ pretending to be on equal ground as everyone else.’  _ He says. Naoto’s shoulders slump. He knew it, he’s just a faker. It’s not like a girl could ever be a boy, anyway– ‘ _ But this is for us, isn’t it?’  _ He points out.

“...What?” Naoto pauses in his spiraling thoughts.

‘ _ Well, none of them see us as a boy anymore, right? _ ’ Sukuna-Hikona points out.  _ ‘It hurts us. A lot. But you still insist on dressing like a man.’  _ He pushes onward.  _ ‘And, your persona manifests as another facet of yourself. _ ’ Sukuna-Hikona. Japanese deity of healing and sake brewing. A man. 

Naoto stays quiet. He has no words. 

‘ _ Admit it, being called a girl hurts more than being called a boy. And that’s not because you’re insecure in your femininity.’ _ The persona orders.

"It's because that's not me.” Naoto mumbles, as if coming to realization. 

_ ‘Who are you, Naoto Shirogane? Who are we?’ _

He’s Naoto Shirogane. The Detective Prince, come to Inaba to solve a tough case. He’s a boy.

And no one could tell him any other way. He’s himself, solely for himself.

It feels like a weight is lifted from his shoulders, and he gives a small smile.

“What’cha over there mumbling about, Naoto-kun?” Chie asks from her nook on a nearby tree, flipping through some manga.

Naoto looks up, looking to her. “You needn’t worry, Chie-senpai. Just thinking aloud.”

_ ‘This is fun! I had fun,’  _ The other self announces.  _ ‘By the way, you can just respond in your mind. We are one in the same, aren’t we? _ ’ 

Naoto resists the urge to sigh.  _ You couldn’t have said that sooner, huh? _

‘ _ No! Where would be the fun in that? _ ’ Sukuna-Hikona giggles. ‘ _ We’re just kids, aren’t we? _ ’

_ Begrudgingly,  _ Naoto says mentally. He doesn’t respond to any further questioning from the persona, though. He rests his head on his knees, waiting for the team to emerge from the area created from his mind.

He’s not an adult yet, but he doesn’t need to worry. He’ll be one, one day.

He’s still a boy, but one day, he’d become a man. 


End file.
